Heart Happy

Happiness. Of the heart. Wow. That has come to mean SO MUCH to me over the last few days. & it's so incredible. & so God. & upon thinking about it, how much it means to me, & how much I'M LOVING IT, I wonder, why don't I make more of an effort to share it with people who have been so wrongfully deceived by Satan, that he holds the "true" happiness, why don't I want to tell them about this complete & utter happiness{peace, love, hope, etc. etc.} I have? Why? Because I'm scared of what they will think. Then. I think about that...if I care so much about what they think, why don't I care to tell them about this?! It definitely has to do with what they think, merely by the fact that this happiness changes your perspective SO COMPLETELY of, not only, yourself, but of others as well{ie. possibly what they think of me{my original problem}} & it changes it for the {absolute!!} better!!!
Sometimes I don't understand people, & their actions, but I pretend, & right now, I'm going to pretend that I understand humanity as a whole, & say something.
WE ALL CARE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK. The end.
So. Lets care ENOUGH to want to reach out & share this happy heart party God has going on, okay?

Even Flowers Wilt.

I'm halfway,
To seeing eye to eye,
& throwing this all away.
I'm halfway,
To wanting what you want,
& taking what I say is best.
I'm halfway,
To being halfway there,
& turning around to go the other way.
I'm halfway,
To wishing you the best,
But secretly calling you trash.
I'm halfway,
To feeling done with all these issues,
& pushing them back into their corners.
I'm halfway,
To just accepting it all as "fate",
& saying "this is just Satan's bait!!"
I'm halfway,
To being no where near halfway close?
& no where near where I began.
I'm halfway,
To realizing that this is all just Satan's cruel joke,
& that it's not my own desire.
I'm halfway,
To the point where I want to understand
& halfway to feeling like I almost do.
I'm halfway,
To being rejected, spat on, & trampled,
& I'm halfway to the point of not caring if I am.
I'm halfway,
To accepting myself,
& others as well.
I'm halfway,
To not caring what others say about my life,
& halfway to caring about what I say about others.
I'm halfway,
To being considerate,
& halfway to the point of no longer hating anyone.
I'm halfway...
To part of the way.

Little Things{but they're actually big.}

Oh wow. Today. It's been a day of many different shades & colors, feelings & emotions, & there have been so many varied types of occurrences. I'm still processing it all. The only way I can think of to tell you how I feel at the moment is to tell you how the day panned out, what went down, so here goes I suppose...

I started today by waking up rather late{10:19 to be exact} it was such a strange sensation, to wake up a good 1 1/2 hours later than the latest I would sleep normally, it was nice too though.
So I get out of bed, & I'm feeling pretty good. I go downstairs, eat some breakfast{at least I think I did...that's how crazy{good!!} the day was.}, & then I put in Pride & Prejudice{it's my go to movie these days:))} in order to have some motivation when it came to knitting & crocheting some items for a few different friends. It worked out nicely, I got quite a bit done on more than one project, & I was happy regardless, if only for my watching Pride & Prejudice{I will say though...I've never known that many 800-service numbers to call in 2 hours & 3 minutes before in my {short} life!!}.

After the movie was over I rushed to get ready for work, gather my things, etc. etc.
I arrived at work & got to see the lovely Emily, whom I haven't seen in a good 2 or 3 weeks I think, which was LOVELY.
Work was slow, but good. I was able to work on some school work, & I even had a strange encounter with an almost{not really...} customer. It was a man probably in his mid 40's, he came in & got three samples of the same flavor{I never did catch which one it was...} anyhow. I saw on the camera that there was a customer & I walked out to find him, standing there just licking away at one of the three samples he was holding, "hi! How are you doing tonight?" I asked him as I walked out from the back, "I'm good! Just eating samples" he replied.
"Which flavor did you try?" I asked him, "I don't know..." He replied. At this point I'm beginning to realize this could be a little weird...so I just kinda smiled & nodded my head, hoping against hope that I would be able to catch at least a few words of the mumbles he seemed to be directing at me, "I'm getting ready for the world Olympics!" I finally caught{I know nothing, about the Olympics or anything like that, so I just went along at this point} "oh no way!" I said "what do you do?" I asked him. "I'm with {such & such} elementary school." He replies.
Okay. What does elementary school have to do with the Olympics I'm wondering, but like I said I know nothing...so I just say "that's cool!" & initiate the smile & nod technique again. "You gotta be from the class of '89." He says. "Why's that?" I ask him.
"Cause that's how they made it, I guess." He replies "I'm the only downhill skier in the US"
"That's awesome!" I say
At this point he's just finished his last sample & he's still taking about the class of '89 & being the only downhill skier, while he walks towards the front again, where, I assume, he's going to get a few more sample cups. Nope. He walked right out of the store, mid-sentence too. I was more than a little baffled, but it made me laugh, & so it was worthwhile I think.
After that work continued as normal, & when closing time came I was able to finish everything quickly.
When I got home I had planned on watching The Help with Jen & Jessi, & we were ready to play it when I got a notification for an incoming Skype call!!!{which in itself was exciting, but this one was from Kendall Grafton! My newfound friend! :))} I ran upstairs{so as to avoid being a nuisance to Jen & Jess as they started the movie} & answered the call. Lo & behold though, it wasn't Kendall's face that greeted me, nor her voice, but Dallas Lobdell's instead! At this point I was petty confused...why was Dallas skyping me on Kendall's Skype??? They explained though, that he was merely hanging out & so they were both skyping me, I was just unable to see Kendall at first. :))
We talked for about a half hour, about our days, & Jen{she came in fairly early on & met Kendall}. It was a lovely time, & we were even able to screen shot the memory!{my thumb even decided to be a part of the fun & managed to take up half of Jen & I's itty screen. :))}
After the call we went downstairs & finished The Help, & I got even MORE work done on one of my crocheting projects.

After the movie I went back upstairs ready for bed, & sleep. Lo & behold though....have you ever experienced what it is like to find a leaking FULL gallon of milk in ones bed, come bedtime? I never had either, at least until tonight. My days blessings came crashing down. I was so angry. I was ready to chuck that now half full gallon of milk at the nearest person. How does that even happen?! I don't even drink milk!! I was at a complete loss. I was pretty upset. As I was pulling the sheets off to throw into the wash, so as to avoid as much sour milk smell as possible, I realize that it soaked through, not only, the sheet, but the under sheet thingy too, & got the mattress. My night was quickly going beyond downhill. Why?! It was such a good day! Why?! I kept asking myself.

After getting the wash in & the remaining milk put away where it belonged, I gathered my things & am now in a little "bed"{it's the couch}, going over my day in my head. & whoowee. What a day it was. I'm still frazzled because of that darn milk, but by writing it all down, & rehashing all the good things from today, I realize that a sour milk mattress isn't bad at all. We'll figure it out, there's no need to worry about it. I've realized that those "little things" are actually really big deals! Like one measly bad thing happens, & the day is horrible! But it should be the other way around, it shouldn't take so many good things to make a day good, I shouldn't have to sit down and recount the whole day to remember to thank God for all the blessings found therein. I should immediately think to thank God that only a portion of my mattress has milk on it, rather than screaming why in his face over it.

Moral of this all is to say, or more remind myself, to not make a big deal about such silly things, & be thankful for the LARGE blessings He showers on me.

So with that, my Dear Friends, I bid you all a goodnight. :))

We Are All One...

So I'm sitting in worship last night{I love to watch other people during worship! Seeing them praise God, it's a wonderful thing. :))} & I'm looking around at everyone, just watching & observing them all, when I realized something. Not a single person who came in would sit in a row that had 6 seats or less available{because that meant someone was already in that row}. Now. You may be asking, "What's wrong with that?" but Wednesday night services at my church aren't that big, & yet chances are you may have someone in almost every single row except the very very very back ones on a Wednesday night, Why's that? Because we're scared to meet new people! We honestly don't want to sit next to someone we have never met before! How sad is that! Over the last few weeks I've had the privilege of meeting & making a new friend, & let me just tell you, IT'S SO WONDERFUL. It's amazing how awesome it is! You get to learn all about this person, what they love & hate, like & dislike, eat & won't eat{or can't!}, what their lives look like, what God looks like from their point of view! & to top it off with a nice large cherry, YOU GET TO TELL THEM ABOUT YOURSELF, & who doesn't love talking about themselves?{okay, okay. I love to talk. Especially about myself sometimes, but you aren't weird if you don't enjoy talking about yourself. There are actually probably PLENTY of people who don't like to talk about themselves...}
Annyyyyhoooooowwwww. ha.
So. I'm thinking about it. About how wonderful it is to meet & make new friends, & I wonder, why don't we sit next to strangers in church? Why don't we branch out of our groups & meet new people? Why do we stay in the comfort of what is normal, & hope & pray that we have exciting lives? What's exciting about normal?
& I mean. Honestly. What have you got to lose in making new friends, or even just meeting someone new? Nothing really. Unless of course you'd count that row of seats you had all to yourself a loss.

Gifts

Okay. Let's talk about gifts for a minute or two. Especially with Christmas coming around soon, {& me & my sisters have started a tradition of giving gifts on thanksgiving as well} I've come to think on the subject of gifts a lot lately. & I've actually learned something new about them as well. But about spiritual gifts, not physical ones{more on that(Spiritual gifts) later}. Anyhow. Hm. Where was I? Oh yes! Learning something new about spiritual gifts! It isn't anything spectacular, but I was reading through I Corinthians 12 the other morning where it is talking about the diversity in spiritual gifts, & in verses 9 & 10, I found something most interesting{& a bit of a new concept for me} "...To another gifts of healings by the same spirit, to another the working of miracles,..." Now I know you are probably thinking "What does that have to do with anything?!" but the thing I learned from that is this; That the gift of healing, & the gift of miracles are two completely different sets of gifts! Woah! Talk about a twist on the story!{at least for me, folks...} I had always just assumed healings to be miracles, {& they are!}, but those two verses tell me that a healing in & of itself, is a whole different concept, & gift, than just any other miracle. Now. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, about healings, & how we often are ashamed to proclaim Christ in the sense that we don't often reach out to pray healing over someone, unless asked to directly. Which, in my opinion is not a sin, nor is it the right thing to do, necessarily, but think about it for a minute{please} If healing someone is so amazing that Paul put it into it's own gifting category, don't you think that those who possess such a gift should employ it? Now granted, I don't believe that means they can heal whoever, whenever, even Jesus told people of the requirement{That they have faith!!}, & though they aren't recorded in the Bible{That I know of}I'm sure at least once or twice people were not healed, because they did not have faith, in Jesus' ministry. Does that make Jesus any less so a good person? Or any less God's son? No. So we should also be careful not to judge those who we don't believe to be using their gift of healing, when we think they should, it is between them & God, but we should also ask ourselves if we possess that gift? It's a tricky thing, knowing what your gift(s) is(are), I myself have not the slightest idea so far{God will reveal it in the right timing, I suppose:))}, but if it has not been revealed to you that you possess the gift of healing, or miracles, please, don't just go out into the streets & test if you do. I think it would be a most unpleasant situation for everyone involved if it was proven that you, in fact, do NOT possess either of those giftings.
Anyhow. Now that I've ranted my dear little heart out on the subject of giftings{& it is all probably ill-conceived & said too...}, & have spoken my mind on how they are to be dealt with, I bid you all Adieu, & Goodnight. :))

Selections

By Jove!! The elections are over, & I can only say that I am highly confused. I mean I wasn't that into it all anyways, but from what I had heard, I didn't think it would end up going this direction. Anyhow. The point of this post isn't to bash Obama, or praise Romney, or vice versa, but rather to say this(a thought of mine that came up whilst eating my dinner tonight).

Before the election, I heard of many people having prayer meetings & just personally praying for, & over the election, & then I see the same people upset over how it went. What's wrong with that? You may well ask, well, in my opinion, nothing. But, & I understand that this is a very disappointing thing for you all, shouldn't we instead be looking at this in a different way? Shouldn't we be saying & looking for the reasons why God said Obama was the right choice for America in this time? Shouldn't we look for ways that we ourselves can bring about the change we have cried & struggled for so violently the last few months, through the political ads & phone calls? Shouldn't we, instead of calling it quits with the end of the election, continue our prayers, for our nation, government, & over all, our President? I'm sure that years from now, the current President at that time will then be considered the worst President ever, as they all seem to have been while they were the ones holding the power, but perhaps we should adapt to not pointing out all the flaws & wrongs done by the President, & hope that, God willing, this term will prove different, & God willing, America will prove different, because after all, this is OUR country, not just our President's.

Mind Wanderings.

Entitlement. It's a word that I've been wondering a lot about these past few days. What makes a person entitled to something? What makes feeling entitled okay? WHEN is it okay? After coming home from Haiti, the fact that I saw so much selflessness, & so much love for OTHERS, I wonder is it EVER okay for me to feel entitled? I have so much. Literally everything I could ever hope to materially possess is right at my fingertips, waiting for me to buy it, revel in it, love it, enjoy it, & in two weeks, dispose of it. The people in Haiti have next to nothing, & yet they trust it ALL to God. Every. Last. Thing.
I've come to question so much of what I have been taught is socially acceptable, & "Christian". There are so many things that, after truly sitting down & thinking about them, I have realized aren't Biblical, & are actually quite the contrary. We have all been taught "Stranger Danger!" Which when used properly is a VERY good idea, but we have also been taught to take that to the extreme. When was the last time you said "Hi!" to a stranger while you WERE NOT working? Seriously. Tell me. Because before Haiti, I couldn't have told you. Proverbs 14:10 says "The Heart knows its own bitterness. & a stranger does not share its joy." We have become a nation, & generation, where we are all strangers. None of us share the joy of others, unless it is convenient for us to do so. We have become selfish in our way of thinking, & we only appear to not be so because of our deep desire to be accepted by everyone else & have them share in our own joys. We have all become so lost in the way of the world, so convinced that we are forever forgotten, we spend so much time thinking on our own "Insignificance" to others, we fail to see that everyone is feeling that way, that everyone thinks themselves insignificant to us, because we fail to pay attention to them, being busy feeling sorry for ourselves.
There are so many things that I now wish to change about myself, & the way I view not only the world, but its people therein, & how they live their lives. I've realized that I will generally look for the best way to make myself comfortable when doing things for others, so I can then say I'm being a "good" person, without too much inconvenience to myself, but like I said before, that is wrong, & (again) in Haiti, I learned & saw what the difference is. Here you are practically a saint if you hold the door open for someone, in Haiti a little 6 year old girl scraped the wet cement off of my hands, & wouldn't allow me to touch hers for fear of mine getting dirty again. She had cement on her hands, arms, face, on her pretty dress, & she was more concerned for my hands & work clothes than herself. Most of America was just shown up by a little girl who, to our standards, had nothing & every right to hate me.
The Haitian people have been used immensely by God in teaching me so many valuable lessons. & even though I am home, they are still being used daily, not only in my own life, but in the lives of everyone they meet.

well. all in all, I'd say this post has been all over the place, & so I will put an end to my ramblings for now. I do have one more thing to add though, just a quick little plea, Please don't ever forget that God has an amazing plan! Whether it be what you want, or whether it be the complete opposite, trust it, & Him, to know what's going on.

Thoughts.

Thoughts are a big part of my life. I think about everything. Whether I actually think things through though....who knows. The point is this; I am CONSTANTLY thinking about something, and how often is that something honoring to God, or even just not revolting to Him? Again who knows, but still. Its a thought that has really been tripping me out lately. There isn't much that I can do once I've thought of something, I can't just unthink it. I have to deal with that thought, and the consequences therein. That's why it is so important that we think only of good things. Chances of that actually happening. None. Chances of us trying? Pretty good if we are willing. So here goes 9). Unthink those thoughts that I haven't yet thought.

A Sad World

When I woke up this morning it was to my Mama asking if there was any way Jessi and my Grandma might've changed their minds and ended up going to the Aurora theater to see The Dark Knight Rises. I didn't know why she was asking, I just wanted to go back to sleep, but when she told me about the shooting my heart hurt. The one sentence that truly broke it though, was when it said the gunman "calmly" dropped his spent gun to grab his other one. Calmly. He wasn't worried, or at least he didn't show that he was. It said he "stalked" the aisles shooting at random. And the thing that truly hurt the most was thinking about WHY he did it, and I realize it's because he's a sinner, JUST. LIKE. ME. I think about how I look at this and I think "What a tragedy!"  "How sad!" and then I realize I'm in the same boat, I have sinned just as much as he has, and we both deserve Hell.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....

Today I had a very thought provoking conversation about choice, and how God gave me my choice, and how I want to use that gift of choice to make the RIGHT choice. (Wow. That's a lot of "choice".) It got me thinking about what making a choice means to me, and I can honestly say that making my own choice means a lot, especially because I've been given the opportunity to do just that by an All-Powerful God. It's a simple choice really, but a choice that doesn't end when we make our decision, we have to continually make the decision each and every day to talk to God, to do what He has called us to do, and to see what He has to say to us. We are blessed beyond reason with just that one gift, and I don't see how when we decide to reject that gift it's helping our circumstances.
I don't know about you, but I would rather not get to Heaven and be talking to Paul, or Peter, or John, or any of the other Martyrs, and Die-Hard followers of Christ and say "Oh yeah! I did a car wash once!" No. I want to be able to say "I made the choice to 'Go unto ALL the world' and share the Gospel and the LOVE of Christ. All too often we say we are given one choice, and ultimately we have one truly remarkable choice to make, but there are so many decisions to be made every day! We don't realize how much each one should mean to us, because all too often, we don't realize we have them.
8). Think about the choices I have.


I know I already have a post about choices, but this one is a little bit different. Not the wrong ones I've made, but the ones still waiting.

We Praise Him

I've been thinking-Imagine that!-about worship, and what it does, and what it SHOULD mean to me. And of course that got me to thinking about HOW I worship, WHEN I worship, and of course the all important, WHO I worship.
For the most part ask me what worship is and I will immediately say "It's when we sing our praises to God!" but in reality, we can worship more than just God, and much too often, we are all found doing just that. It saddens me to think about the fact that all includes me. I much too often, sometimes without realizing, find myself worshiping someone or something other than God. No, I don't sit there and sing them my praises and adoration, but there are many ways we worship, especially when it comes to God. We can worship simply by smiling at someone, sharing the gospel, being kind instead of rude to the incompetent driver in front of you on the freeway, but in the end it's all about heart, and where ours is at with God, or rather NOT with God.
Our heart is a big part of worship. If you are mad at someone and they apologize, but they don't mean it with their heart, I'm pretty sure it doesn't make you happy, it makes you mad. How much moreso do you think it angers God when we use worshiping Him to "show" how sorry we are? I for one need to work on actually worshiping God with my heart, not my show. So, 7). Worship God with my whole being.

Just Five.

"Just $5?" "Two for $5" In today's society when we see something for "Just $5!" we feel as though we just found a steal! We are so caught up in the "$5!" we don't even realize how hypocritical we are acting. Think about it. Five. Just Five. Wow! What a deal, that is until it comes to spending time, not money. 5 extra minutes in traffic, 5 minutes to wait for food in the drive-thru, 5 minutes to just load the dishwasher, and get this, 5 minutes to sit down and read The Bible? The Holy, All-Powerful God's book of "Cheat-codes" for life? Heck No! That's MY five minutes! I have to(I'd rather!) load the dishwasher. I have to go sit in traffic in order to get to the store, They're having a sale, Just $5!
When you really sit down and think about it, didn't God Make, Create, DESIGN Time? He knows how much time you actually have to spend. He has the power to take that time from us, and yet, He allows us to choose how WE want to spend it. And get this, you don't have to give Him ALL of your time, but the more give Him, the more we realize what a good deal "Just 5 Minutes" really is, the more we will desire to spend "Just 5 more minutes!" With Him. 6). Give "Just 5 Minutes" Everyday.

Uniquely Like Him.

The Bible calls us to be like Christ, but the world dares us to be unique. So, How do you choose? How do you decide? How do you  get the best of both worlds? Well. That's just it. You don't get the best of both worlds. You don't conform to the world's wishes, because in the end, what they call unique, is just like everybody else. You will be "Uniquely like everybody else." So let's make an effort to be unique, to make the choice, our own choice, to be different. To choose God. And to, honestly, be more unique than everybody else, because, well, who else do you know who can be as unique as Christ? 5) Be uniquely like Christ.

God.

Is it a name? Or a person?

I was thinking about it the other day, and in today's society it's all the rave to not use the word "Love" every other word for how we feel about someone, or something. If God, which is the name of an almighty, holy, amazing, loving God, is thrown around so much more liberally, will it not then lose it's significance? I don't know about you, but I would adore to have a tingly sensations from my head to my toes, just to THINK about God's name. So I'm adding to the list. 4) Make God's name a special one.

I Look Around Me

When I look around me, I see a lot of things. But mostly I've begun to see that everyone is different, no matter how hard we try, no matter what we do, we will never, two of us, be the same. We are all given, first, the gift of Eternal life with God if WE so choose, and second, the gift of the part where WE CHOOSE. We make decisions everyday. Whether to make our bed, what to wear, what to eat, what to say, who to say it to. So many decisions that we make, but how many are the right one. I've begun to ask myself that. Why is it that I can look at others and say "You made the wrong choice." when I couldn't even tell you if I knew if half of the decisions I've made have been good or bad, and the other half I know must have been bad. I could play it off, say it's my nature, but what would that get me? Still not the knowledge to make the right decision later. So maybe I should stop looking around me, and look to God. He can show me what wrong decisions I've made, and how to not make them again. It could be the smallest "wrong decision" the equivalent of a SMALL white lie, but it's still wrong. It says in  Revelations 21:8 that "ALL liars" will have their share of Hell Fire. So maybe that wrong decision was a lie, do I then not deserve Hell Fire, right beside the "Cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral,  sorcerers, and idolators."? 

So. 3) Look for the wrong decisions on MY part. 

"...That you love one another." John 15:17

 Let's love one another, wrong decisions and all.  

Sisters.

I've been hanging out with my sisters all day. Eating food, watching movies, laughing, smiling, talking. I think about how much I love my sisters, and then I think about how we are ALL God's children. Does that not then make ALL of those women my sisters. Why then do I judge? Why do I point my finger at them and say "You..."

I claim to love my sisters, but if I am not loving ON my sisters, am I not then a hypocrite? If I judge my sisters, am I not then lying? 

Why then do I do it?

I, as a child of God's, am called to "LOVE my neighbor" How much more should I then LOVE my family? 

I think about the girls, the people, that I judge. And then I think of girls who are in situations worse than mine, and I think "How sad, but it's not their fault, they are in a bad situation." Not only do  judge, I'm picky about it. 

So, I'm adding to my list. First I need to not think about me. Then I need to have my thoughts be LOVING towards others, not judging. 

"Judge not, that you be not judged." Matthew 7:1

I've Just Been Thinking....

Sometimes I sit here, and I think. I think about what happened today, I think about what I'll do tomorrow, I think about when I was little, I think about friends, family, and people who wouldn't count as either of those, but mostly I think about me. How horrible does that sound? I. Think. About. ME. And honestly, I don't want to think about me anymore, God says that He thinks about me, so I should focus my thoughts somewhere else, on SOMEONE else. How THEY are feeling today. How THEY would like to be treated. How THEY are thinking. God has given us these amazing minds, and no matter what we do, they are prone to wander, but don't let them wander to yourself. Let them wander to others. What can you do to help them? Is it snowy outside? shovel. Is it warm and Springtime? Go pull their weeds. There are so many things you can do. All you have to do is think, not about yourself, but rather what has God given you the ability to do for others.


In Matthew 6:25-29 it says "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will ear or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why then do you worry about clothing? consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, and yet Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." 

So, let's you and me, go on an excursion. An excursion that will take our thoughts elsewhere, down a path that leads to others, and not a picture of ourselves.