Fires break my heart...

Last night I found out that fires ravage our beautiful Colorado once again. I'm speechless. I don't know what to do...I'm gone, & even if I was home, there wouldn't be much else I COULD do aside from pray, which I've been doing here, but it carries such a disheartening feeling with it. & that's how I know that this is Satan. Man. I. Hate. Him. He oppresses us, & prods us, & he just all around makes us feel down right crumby! He brings us to tears, & he hurts us, he gives us outrageously false ideas about who we are, & what we should do, but what I've learned is that in those awful things, he gives us that push, that little baby shove, to defy him, & fall on God, to say that, "No! we will not take that as the final answer!"

we are called to pray IN FAITH. & so pray in faith we shall do. Satan doesn't have any grip on us, & we can tell him to get behind us, because we have the authority & the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. we have the strength to endure these fires, & anything else Satan decides to throw our way. We may have only a little strength, but we are not weak, we are God's children, & He will not let us be destroyed.

Forever

Forever boggles my mind. What IS forever? How does forever work? Is forever my definition? Or yours? Or no ones, because it simply is? Forever has no time frame, no "best if used by" date. It is merely...forever. Never ending. Always going. I literally cannot wrap my head around it!! I think about forever, & as far as I can get is as far as I'll most likely live. No further. That is my forever, & that's a sad truth. Forever should mean so much more to me than just my life here, it should mean that I have so much more coming for me AFTER I die. There are so many things I don't understand, & that I try to account for with tangible analogies, but none of it will ever compare in the end, when it turns out there is no end, only forever. There is so much potential when we live with forever in mind, & not in the stupid "I've got forever" mindset, but in the right "I've got FOREVER" mindset, where we don't set out to do whatever we want because we have forever to make the "right" decisions, but where we set out to make good decisions, because we will live with those choices for forever. Oh, I know I won't succeed very often, in taking my own "advice" but I never will if I don't try, right? We all have so many opportunities, everyday, & how much more will we think of those opportunities when they have passed? I'd be keen on saying we'd think of them for forever. 

Wonderment.

All the time, I get lost, I lose sight of what it is that God has for me. I forget what it feels like to allow Him to rule in my life. I forget the twinge of sadness I used to get whenever I was doing something wrong. I forget that sense of wonderment at the works God is doing. I get to a place where I'm so completely out of it, I've begun to think my {fake}smile is real. I believe my lies, & pretend that all is well, & I don't need anything else. I'm getting by . & that's just it! I'm only getting by! I'm not living! I'm not doing things for God! I'm merely, simply, sadly only getting by. 

God hasn't called us to merely get by! He is the God of the living, why then do I not live?! 

Over the last few days, weeks, & overall, months, I've been seeing how I'm NOT living. I'm just going through the motions, saying what I believe everyone wants to hear. How did I get to this place? How did I forget so fully? & mostly, how do I fix it?

I don't know how to fully "fix" it, how to reach a point where everything is okay again, but I do know that there are some things I can do. 

God has been showing me the things He could be doing, if I would stop looking towards the future, & look at the work He has right now. Right now. Think about it. It's such a blessing, & how often do I squander it all away for thoughts of what the future COULD hold? Much too often. There is so much that God could accomplish through us, if we would only give Him the time of day! 

I think{<--that's a key word there}that much too often Satan is able to cause us to believe that we can't do much of anything! He wants us to believe that we aren't worth anything, that we are the cause for all these horrible things happening to us, but that's not true. We are worth so much more WHEN we trust God! He gives us our worth, or meaning. The reason to live, & to live life fully, is God. He gives us so much more than we can ever imagine. A joy, & peace, that surpasses all other things that the world has to offer! We can't fully comprehend it! It's truly a gift! 

But there's even more that we can do, we can tell God of the things that have been accomplished, yes, He knows already all that will come to pass, but He LOVES to hear from us! He loves to see that reaction to the wonderful things He has accomplished!! 

But truly, the biggest promise God has given me to dwell on lately has been John 6:6, "But He said this to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do." 

God knows what He's going to do. Every. Time. Amen & Amen, I say! 

amazing things

Jesus. He is doing so many amazing things. EVERY DAY.
He makes the sun rise, the clouds come, the light breezes, the car work, the money, the clothes, the house, the blessings, the meals, the electricity, the friends, the family, the phones, the food, the music, the movies, the tv shows. See how quickly it changes?
while those are all things I'm thankful for, I sometimes wish I didn't have them. I really do. Because they are blessings, but they can easily be distractions, I can't even begin to tell you how often I don't read my Bible, because I have too much school, or a tv series due back at the library, or how often I don't pray because I'm just too tired, from staying up late the night before with my friends. or how often I become selfish in the sense that I DESERVE Jack In The Box tacos. Very quickly, & much too often{more often than not sadly...} I, in & of myself, turn my blessings, into distractions. I allow them to become more than they are meant to be, & I quickly get caught up in their "splendor". I shove Jesus to the back burner of the stove, & I don't remember about Him until I find my relationship with Him, dry, overcooked, & burning. It saddens my heart, to the very core, that I claim to love Him so much, & yet I often don't even feel He is worthy of the attention that is not even a 1/10000000000000000000000 of what He deserves. I forget that He has feelings as well, & that He desires to get to know me, to talk with me, to love me, & have me love Him in return. I forget that He did one of the most amazing things ever, by saving me!
I'm a romantic. I love the whole "saving a damsel in distress" deal, & boy oh boy, Jesus did that with me. He saved me, & took me out of my worst moments, & situations, & He said "Here you go. I've picked you up, I've shown you how to do it right, you won't ever get it, but here's your clean start again. Give it a go."


so....here I go.

Be Prepared.

If you look throughout history, you see a Jewish nation, rising, & being taken captive by turn. Being defeated, & then rising up victoriously. They've been around since Isaac was born to Abraham. & they are God's chosen people.
Often times you'll find that that is a big reason for their persecution, their being chosen by God{the almighty, creator, savior of the universe.} Anyone, or really anything, chosen by God is hated by the enemy{lucifer, beautiful, fallen, angel.} because he too, was once chosen by God, & rebuked, shunned, & removed from God's presence.
All of this to say, the Jewish nation has been persecuted since the beginning. Though they have survived the horrific conditions, & come through thick & thin, this nation, these people, are still persecuted. Merely because they were chosen, & therefore hated. We{Christians, & believers in Christ} are God's chosen people as well. We are chosen to spread the gospel, to share God's love, to seek God, & to rely on Him to lead & guide us in everything we do, & we, also, are hated by the enemy. As Hitler wanted the Jews exterminated, so Satan wants to exterminate & revile God's creation & chosen people. He has prepared his camps for us, & he has begun to herd us to them. He will show us things that will make us question not only God's goodness, but God Himself. He will make it so that very few of us can remember God's faithfulness, nor the warmth of His love. Few of us will come out from this, still trusting God, & when we do, just as the Jewish nation fought for a homeland, we will be called to fight; for freedom to worship God, & we will fight to defeat this enemy of God. Though we will be considered few, we are promised that we will defeat this enemy, & his army. He will be pushed back & brought to his knees before God, he will be cast down, & out, into a pit. & then. Oh boy. Then, we will fully understand God's love. We will be in His presence. We won't remember the times of persecution, nor will we remember the things we have seen, for God's love will outshine them all. It will be peace. & love. & hope. & God.

Heart Happy

Happiness. Of the heart. Wow. That has come to mean SO MUCH to me over the last few days. & it's so incredible. & so God. & upon thinking about it, how much it means to me, & how much I'M LOVING IT, I wonder, why don't I make more of an effort to share it with people who have been so wrongfully deceived by Satan, that he holds the "true" happiness, why don't I want to tell them about this complete & utter happiness{peace, love, hope, etc. etc.} I have? Why? Because I'm scared of what they will think. Then. I think about that...if I care so much about what they think, why don't I care to tell them about this?! It definitely has to do with what they think, merely by the fact that this happiness changes your perspective SO COMPLETELY of, not only, yourself, but of others as well{ie. possibly what they think of me{my original problem}} & it changes it for the {absolute!!} better!!!
Sometimes I don't understand people, & their actions, but I pretend, & right now, I'm going to pretend that I understand humanity as a whole, & say something.
WE ALL CARE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK. The end.
So. Lets care ENOUGH to want to reach out & share this happy heart party God has going on, okay?

Even Flowers Wilt.

I'm halfway,
To seeing eye to eye,
& throwing this all away.
I'm halfway,
To wanting what you want,
& taking what I say is best.
I'm halfway,
To being halfway there,
& turning around to go the other way.
I'm halfway,
To wishing you the best,
But secretly calling you trash.
I'm halfway,
To feeling done with all these issues,
& pushing them back into their corners.
I'm halfway,
To just accepting it all as "fate",
& saying "this is just Satan's bait!!"
I'm halfway,
To being no where near halfway close?
& no where near where I began.
I'm halfway,
To realizing that this is all just Satan's cruel joke,
& that it's not my own desire.
I'm halfway,
To the point where I want to understand
& halfway to feeling like I almost do.
I'm halfway,
To being rejected, spat on, & trampled,
& I'm halfway to the point of not caring if I am.
I'm halfway,
To accepting myself,
& others as well.
I'm halfway,
To not caring what others say about my life,
& halfway to caring about what I say about others.
I'm halfway,
To being considerate,
& halfway to the point of no longer hating anyone.
I'm halfway...
To part of the way.